What Is the “Family Alchemy” Package?

Веретенников Сергей · Jan 23, 2022

What is shown in this animation?

At the very beginning, there is some little blemish that never gives you peace throughout your life. “Everything is fine... but here...” Your thoughts keep revolving around some problem. But all you need to do is let it go.
The man is proud that he has done something. And the woman has decorated it. These are two different things—but both are important.
A child in the family. It shows that the union is serious. If this “ruins your figure,” that is sad. A dog is for those over 40, not for someone who is full of energy.
What should you watch on TV? What difference does it make! A television is just a piece of metal. You watch it with a living person. If your goal is television, why do you need a relationship at all?
Money or relationships?
Do you want your partner to be different? Would your partner like that? Do you want to remake them? They want to remake you too.

Веретенников Сергей · Feb 11, 2022

Веретенников Сергей · Feb 18, 2022

What is conflict?

Definition. When do we understand that people are arguing?

Most often, if you ask, most people will say that it is shouting, insults...

But I would put it this way—it is only a manifestation of conflict.

And what is conflict itself?

The husband says to his wife, “You haven’t washed the dishes again!”

She senses some kind of attack in this...

There is no conflict yet.

Yes, she is offended. And then she may say, “I’m fed up with your socks scattered all over the apartment. When will this ever end...”

That is where the conflict begins.

But she could say, “Darling, your words hurt me; I feel insulted...”

In that case, there is no conflict.

The wife did not respond to her husband IN THE SAME WAY.

Conflict begins when pain is answered with pain. You do this to me, I do that to you. And this ball is thrown back and forth between them.

Someone needs to be more psychologically aware. They must stop throwing the ball back. They should talk about their feelings.

Yes, of course, the other person may ignore your feelings, disregard them, continue living as they please, and this may lead to divorce.

But you will stop living in conflicts. You may even escape from some seemingly hopeless situation.

Perhaps your partner will hear you. And they will also talk about their feelings and what hurts them. Then you will hear them and reach an agreement.

Веретенников Сергей · Apr 12, 2022

Why do people lose love in marriage?

The answer is obvious—it was never there.

Love is not something another person will give you. Love is something you can give to another person!

Do you feel the difference in this statement of mine?

Read it again if you don’t see it.

Everyone in a marriage has an ocean of grievances against the other person. They are supposed to give you something. And above all—love.

That is why psychology is becoming so popular now, especially family psychology. People suddenly discover that no one owes them anything. But they themselves, if they want to, can give their love to someone.

Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Many people reading this now disagree. For a long time, their “theorem” that the whole world owes them something will continue to play in their minds.

If you want to be loved, love first.

Love comes in different forms. More precisely, the manifestations of love. Or, as it is fashionable to say now—the languages of love.

Another person’s love (its expression) does not have to be like yours at all. If you show love by giving gifts, doing things for the other person, being active, and so on, while your partner does none of these things, it does not necessarily mean that they do not love you.
They may love you differently. They have another way of expressing love.

But you may miss it if you think everyone should love only in the way you do.

In the Ashram—here —I write about why this happens. Why people think their love is better than that of others, or why they are right and others are not, and so on.

Until you step outside your own boundaries, you will not only fail to understand or see other people’s love, but you will not be able to understand other people at all.

And what does that mean? It means sentencing yourself with the statement: all people are bad, the world around you is hostile, and there is no love.

Веретенников Сергей · Apr 12, 2022

Continuation here:

Your Yoga. What Is Love in Marriage

Веретенников Сергей · Jun 4, 2022

It is important to understand that no one is born and lives outside a family. We are always in a family. Even if someone has no parents, they still existed at some point.
That is, describing the formation of a family between a man and a woman is not entirely correct. A family always exists. We are always in a family.

What a man and a woman create is a continuation of the family.

That is exactly how I would like to put it: Continuation of the family. Because you are not creating anything new; you are merely continuing it.

Therefore, this continuation should also be approached with consideration for its roots—this is precisely what you are CONTINUING.

But many insist on the idea that they are now a family because they have had a stamp put in their passports. Now they have created a family...

NO!

You have created nothing. You have merely continued what already existed.

Today I would like you to read about a “Functional and Dysfunctional Family.”

I will attach the file below. Download it and read it.

Веретенников Сергей · Jun 6, 2022

Get married or not? Should you marry or not?

It even sounds different, although it may seem as though the meaning is the same.

But the meaning is different too. For a man, marriage is one thing; for a woman, it is another. Even though the word "marriage" itself is the same. But the place where newlyweds end up, called "marriage," is different. Because everyone has their own world. Even on a football field there are defenders, goalkeepers, and forwards...
Although all of this is called "football." To an outside observer, it is football, but for a defender and a forward, it is not so unambiguous.

The same applies to marriage.

I am not going to tell you here and now whether you should enter into marriage or not—the advantages and disadvantages, so to speak.

Study all the roles in marriage. Who mainly benefits from it. Whether your rights will be infringed upon by the marriage itself... Whether this imbalance in rights and responsibilities suits you personally.

Study absolutely everything. Rid yourself of idealization.

Household matters, sex, children, leisure... How will they change in MARRIAGE? And all of this will definitely CHANGE. It only seems that it is merely a stamp in your passport. Everything will change.

Listen to the OPPOSITE videos about the male position. They are exaggerated, but they SOBER YOU UP.

For example:

There are many of them. They help you move beyond the idealization of marriage and force you to engage your mind and logic.

Marriage definitely infringes on men's rights and protects women. I wrote about this just above in this topic from the Mahapurna School.

Are you ready to begin your "happy" life right now with such a sacrifice on your part, and then expect something similar from your other half without receiving it? Analyze yourself for sensitivity or a tendency to take offense. This will be important. See a psychologist to find this out.

Because when you go to a psychologist, for example, a year later—as I also wrote above—when all this infatuation has definitely ended, the first thing psychologists will tell you is: you should not sacrifice anything; you are a free individual with your own goals and mission.

That is, marriage puts a man in the position of a victim from the very beginning. This is precisely why domestic violence occurs, when a man shouts and argues... And a woman often says, "It is as if they replaced him after marriage..." Of course they did. I have just explained the reason for this.

Веретенников Сергей · Jun 8, 2022

Make me the way I was before

A very common phenomenon, by the way.

For example: A woman seeks counseling and describes a situation in which her husband used to give her flowers and show her attention somehow—all of that was two years ago, and now none of it happens. And her request is: make everything the way it used to be.

Or a request like this: I no longer feel any desire to love this woman. I used to love her, but now my feelings have cooled. Help me bring back my former feelings...

In general, I think you understand what I mean.

People literally think that psychology can make things "the way they were."

I declare: Not even God Himself can make things the way they were for you.

The best thing available to you—indeed, the very best of what is available—is to understand that you have changed, the relationship has changed, and what to do with all this DIFFERENT reality now.

Most couples come in wanting things to be the way they were.

And if things do not return to how they were, they get divorced.

A catastrophic unwillingness to accept what exists now. For some reason, it is always "worse" for them than what was before.

You need to learn to accept what exists now and live with all of it wisely.
You need to change, but starting from what exists now and moving toward the best possible future. And this best possible future is not at all the way things were.

Веретенников Сергей · Jul 2, 2022

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you. Then you win." © Mahatma Gandhi

This is a well-known quote by Mahatma Gandhi. Practically everyone knows it.

And I thought it could be slightly rephrased for family life.

And this is what I came up with:

"At first, lovers do not notice each other's shortcomings (infatuation), then they laugh at them (marriage), then they fight them (they want to change each other in marriage). And then love wins." © Sergei Veretennikov

Веретенников Сергей · Apr 6, 2023

Cars, weapons, houses, clothes, food... Everything changes. People used to protect their lives with swords; now they use guns. Long clothes used to be fashionable; today, short ones are. People used to eat everything fresh; now, it is preserved...
People used to look into space and wonder how amazing it was THERE, whereas today a Human already walks around there...

Something changes. And sometimes it changes dramatically.
But thousands of years pass. Millions of years. And something does not change at all.

And that is relationships.

The father still sternly ponders his son... And the mother keeps coming up with new ways to bring her daughter to her senses...
Just as thousands of years ago, daughters and sons still want to prove to their parents that they have THEIR OWN lives and that parents should not interfere...
Husbands and wives still try to suppress each other's opinions and argue over who is more right...

Nothing has changed. And nothing will change.

It feels and becomes clear that everything happening around us is merely scenery. Scenery surrounding relationships.

Relationships may exist in a modern home. They existed in exactly the same form in some ancient castle 3,000 years ago, or in an old hut 5,000 years ago.

Nothing has changed in relationships.

Wars came and went, along with cataclysms and eras... So much has changed. Except relationships.

The point is that we are psychological beings.

We are placed in matter. It changes. But our psyche does not. The psyche needs relationships.

And people always choose them. Just remember Robinson Crusoe. How much he longed for relationships...

A person may have everything. But without relationships, they have nothing.

And when relationships appear, it is impossible to do without properly understanding them, our role in all this... Correction, letting go and acceptance, ease, moving beyond some of our negative beliefs...

So I invite you to a new course on relationships: What is the "Family Alchemy" package?

Веретенников Сергей · Apr 16, 2023

The main feature of this course is that you solve problems on all levels at once.

Most people solve problems at just one level. For example, they see that there is some kind of problem in the relationship between husband and wife—and they solve it. And solve it... And solve it...

But we are in relationships with everyone.

That is society. Even when a person says, "I have no relationships with anyone at all," that is also one of the types of RELATIONSHIPS!

They simply think they have no relationships. Ignoring someone or loving someone are simply different levels of relationships.

Moreover, we have relationships with our children, parents, spouses, grandparents, great-grandparents, grandchildren, with the Entire Family Lineage...

They are all interconnected. Problems in one stem from problems in another. Everything is interconnected.

This course is not about solving individual problems. It provides understanding—the way out of being trapped in the cycle of "right and wrong." Many people do not even know what is right because they were told what was right, and they continue to think and "know" that way.

I do not give knowledge; I do not even tell you what you need to do. I provide UNDERSTANDING. It can often be irritating, infuriating, and turn everything inside out... After all, everyone is used to living according to what is comfortable, according to how things are done and what they were taught... And they do not want to change anything.
But if nothing changes, things will remain as they are. They will not change on their own.

So I invite you to a new course on relationships: "Family Alchemy"

Веретенников Сергей · Apr 22, 2023

Here is a common example:

A mother says to her small child, "I've already told you a hundred times! And you still keep doing it!"

Let's consider what is useful in this example.

It would seem that the mother is concerned about the child. That seems good.

And it seems that anyone would say that the problem is with the child. After all, the mother has already told the foolish child a hundred times, and they still do not understand...

That is what most people would say. And they would leave it at that.

But this mother will keep racking up the score. She might say it 200 times...

And it will still never occur to her that she has told her child something a hundred times that was completely ineffective.

She said it a hundred times—and did not realize it!

It does not work! You need to either start saying something ELSE or say it in a different way.

I invite you to a new course on relationships: "Family Alchemy"

Веретенников Сергей · Apr 25, 2023

You can ask me questions in audio or video format.
Simply record it wherever convenient and provide a link to the file.
This works for Family Alchemy. It works for consultations at the Ashram.
The simplest way is to record your question on a smartphone and upload it to Google Drive: Google Drive
Or Yandex Disk: Yandex
You can also use YouTube (making it accessible only via the link).
Describe your problem in an audio or video recording.
Then, after the consultation, you can delete these files.

Веретенников Сергей · Jun 15, 2023

"A crisis is a chance that must not be missed" — words by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It is precisely when a crisis strikes that many retreat, while only a few move forward.

And later, those many envy those few, because they get EVERYTHING.

If we look at Life more broadly than usual, we will see that our present incarnation (birth in the material world) is one continuous crisis.

And many want to avoid it, somehow wait this Life out, hide somewhere in a burrow, seek comfort, avoid things and “not get involved”...

That is how this Life passes for many people.

The problem is that in this case they will have new Lives. And new ones. And more, and more...

Until the main condition of Life is fulfilled — to surpass oneself. To achieve a result.

An exam is stressful. It is easy to avoid it. But you cannot run away from it.

Relations with the world and, in particular, within the family are a constant source of stress. One crisis may follow another.

And it seems logical to assume that any reasonable person should simply walk away from a crisis. And it seems that then everything will be great...

But aren’t you missing something then?

Веретенников Сергей · Aug 8, 2024

The biggest mistake in family relationships that you most likely didn’t know about

I would single out just one mistake:

Expecting your husband (wife) to give you happiness.

A similar version:

Thinking that you will give your husband (wife) happiness.

Other similar versions:

Thinking that you will give your children happiness.

Thinking that your children will give you happiness.

This is the biggest mistake of all.

As soon as you start thinking this way, all your relationships become unhealthy, and therefore begin to cause you pain.

Веретенников Сергей · Aug 21, 2024

Веретенников Сергей · Nov 27, 2024

A family joke:

A girl from an educated family enrolls at a university in another city.

A month later, her mother calls her:

— Sweetheart, how are you doing there? They say that students at universities nowadays skip classes, disobey their professors, stay out late partying, have very active sex lives, ride fancy motorcycles, draw graffiti on walls, listen to that terrible Rock music, have already tried alcohol and marijuana, and join religious cults. Darling, how are you doing there? You aren’t doing any of those things, are you?

The daughter, surprised:
— Hmm, what are religious cults?

Веретенников Сергей · Nov 29, 2024

The most absurd thing there can be is promises.

People have no idea what they will feel a second from now—for example, when someone steps on their foot in the subway—but they are quite ready to swear eternal love...

The most absurd lie.

Your very first visit to a psychologist with the words, “But he promised me...” or “But she promised me...” will tell you that you are simply a TYRANT.

Don’t like that word?

Then don’t go to a psychologist.

Because you will learn a terrible secret: no person can demand ANYTHING from another.

Especially FEELINGS.

They cannot be produced on command.

And when you let your guard down, when she or he told you, “Oh, I am yours forever...” or “Oh, I will carry you in my arms all my life...” you simply did not understand that you were not only being deceived, but also being told something that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD YOU EVER BE ABLE TO HOLD THIS PERSON ACCOUNTABLE FOR.

Yes, there are lunatics who run after their wives with knives, trying to force them to return something that was promised... The crime reports are overflowing with these domestic “concerts.”

But you’re not crazy, are you?

Right?

Thank God. You are definitely not one of them

A long time ago, when I was still in high school, we had a country house.

You know how neighbors are—you can see everything as if it were in the palm of your hand...

Hello and goodbye, how much did you pay for the manure, goodness, what wonderful cabbage and tomatoes you have...

It was an ordinary family: children, husband, wife...

Everything seemed fine.

But then they disappeared.

No one was there anymore.

I asked my father, “What happened to the neighbors?”

“Well, he chopped her head off with an axe...”

I was absolutely shocked.

Simply horrifying.

Веретенников Сергей · Dec 31, 2024

Веретенников Сергей · Jan 1, 2025

The overwhelming majority of people say that they have not found their love, that they have been searching for it for a long time, and some have even given up hope of finding it...

Few people understand that it is impossible to find something we already have.

Like the glasses on your nose, for example, or like the ocean in which you swim...

But when a person suddenly finds themselves on a deserted island—as depicted in quite a few films and stories—when they truly lose every level of love, that is when they understand that they have LOST what they possessed.

You are always enveloped in love.

But you do not appreciate it.

The chair you are sitting on right now was made with love; the table, too. Someone is currently heating your water in the boiler room with love, so that your radiators will be hot and your room warm. Go outside, and love will envelop you there as well: someone will take you where you need to go, someone will provide the food or item you need in a shop...

None of this would exist without love.

“Yes,” you will say, “but they do all this for money...” But that is not so.

Of course, the minibus driver earns money from it, but there is also some of his love in it—love for his profession and for the people he drives...

Yes, a shop assistant may look at you with hatred even while handing you your purchase, because she is going through a difficult period in her family right now... But believe me, there is also some of her love for you in this.

Nothing can be done without love.

So if you are among those who are still searching for their love, know this: you are looking for something you already have. And you will never find love, just as a fish will never find the water in which it has swum since birth

What Is the “Family Alchemy” Package?

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